Several weeks ago I attended one of a series of free Friday night concerts at Rhino Records in Claremont, CA.

(In fact, I try to educate my one son by having him accompany me to as many of these performances as possible. He often considers this to be a pain in the BUT, I digress. . .)  On this particular evening the band performing there was a band called the Evangenitals.  I had heard about them before but had not had the chance to research them before so this performance was to be a new experience.

Unfortunately, some of the groups that perform live in Claremont insist on smothering the message of the music with sloppy vocals and volume levels that grab your attention but fail to keep it. (Face it, if my son, a near teen, thinks you're too loud and incomprehensible, something is wrong somewhere.) Happily, the Evangenitals were a refreshing "sound sorbet" to the all too usual "grunt and slash" approach often exhibited in this establishment.

Who are the Evangenitals?  I'm glad you asked!

The Evangenitals are an up and coming band from California that plays a unique blend of different musical genres from light-hearted folk through alt-country.  Their particular sound is actually difficult to pin down and while that makes it hard on critics and publicists it makes it good for audiences looking for something different.

The core membership consists of: Juli Crockett on lead/rhythm guitar and vocals; Lisa Dee on (occasional acoustic guitar, operatic vocals, tambourine and kazoo; Henry Bermudez on lead guitar and slide; David Hurlin on drums, shakers, tablas and cowbell; Matt Ticciati on bass, and Ari DeSano on accordion and Andrea Baker on the violin.

The Evangenitals were born in a defunct bowling alley in Los Angeles, where they broke their chops before a small audience of "rehab refugees and listless drunks from an adjoining bar."

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.

“Boys of Summer”

I was an Eagle Scout (with Silver Palm). In fact, I am once again active in scouting. While I intend to one day dedicate a piece to scouting in general, for now I would like to focus on just one specific event. (Besides, some of my own unusual experiences with a troop in PA might not receive an official “OK” from the organization and certainly any movie about said experiences would not star Fred MacMurray. But, I digress . . .)

The Scouts of Troop 641, Rancho Cucamonga, had “Hot Fun In The Summertime”!   Fresh from a recent exciting weekend of camping and whitewater rafting, the boys loaded their gear into the troop trailer and headed out yet again for another annual adventure.   From July 26th through August 1st,    ten scouts attended summer camp at Camp Emerson.

Scouts attending included: Harrison Green, Ryan Hickman, Ryan Kauffman, Ryan Lightfoot, Dylan Markoff, Dominic Mowrey, Wolfgang Mowrey, William Jared James Phoenix, Justin Selsor and Todd Yeakley.   According to Scoutmaster Larry Mowrey, “it was a week jam-packed with lots of fun, lots of work, and lots of merit badges.”  Additional adult leaders attending at least part of the week included Harley Green and David Lightfoot.

The troop arrived early on Sunday and set up camp in preparation for a week of scouting fun and fellowship.  During the week scouts attended various activities such as rifle marksmanship, swimming, campfires, Order of the Arrow activities and archery.  It wasn’t all fun and games though as the scouts also attended merit badge classes.  Scouts new to summer camp attended mandatory “Transition” classes designed to get them on the fast-track regarding advancement and introduce them to the summer camp concepts.

Although the group did not earn any troop ribbons they came closer than ever before and did, however, win the “Spirit Stick” once during the week.  This was a notable “first” in the three years in which the troop has attended Emerson.  Scoutmaster Mowrey felt it “was quite an achievement for the boys because they were up against some stiff competition.  Out of the six days, one troop won it 3 times and another won it twice.”  Perhaps more importantly, “no one came home empty handed, and some of our boys really exceeded everyone's expectations.”   In an era when all too many American children sit at home in front of their televisions and video games growing fat and lazy, the achievements of all involved were especially exceptional.

The following scouts earned the following merit badges:

 Harrison Green:  Citizenship in the World, Communications, Crime Prevention, First Aid and Citizenship in the Nation (partial).

Ryan Hickman:  Canoeing, First Aid, Rifling and Citizenship in the Nation (partial).

Ryan Kauffman:  Environmental Science, Wilderness Survival, Wood Carving, Fishing (partial) and Citizenship in the Nation (partial)

Ryan Lightfoot:  Archery,   Fingerprinting, Canoeing (partial) and Citizenship in the Nation(partial)

Dylan Markoff:  Archeology, Art, Citizenship in the World, Fingerprinting, Fire Safety, Law, Leatherworking, Rifling and Sculpture.

Dominic Mowrey:  Art, Fire Safety and Leatherworking

Wolfgang Mowrey:  Art, Camping, Citizenship in the Nation, Citizenship in the World, Communications, Fish and Wildlife Management, Journalism, Leatherworking, Photography and Soil and Water Management

William Jared James Phoenix:  Art, First Aid and Leatherworking

Justin Selsor:   Art, Citizenship in the World, Crime Prevention, Fingerprinting, Geology, Wood Carving and Canoeing (partial)

Todd Yeakley:  Citizenship in the Nation, Citizenship in the World, Communications, Crime Prevention, Emergency Preparedness and First Aid

At a time when American urchins are addicted to X-Box and unable to exercise outside of Wii, these young men deserve some recognition.

My name is Phoenix  and . . . that's the bottom line.

"LAUNDROMAT" Or Tips For The Clueless

"Soap and quarters and bleach and laundry/Are words I use at the laundromat/Reading the news, and watching the people/That's what i do at the laundromat/At the laundromat my heart grows fat/Ah, ah/My clothes get dry, I stop and sigh/Ah Ah/Dreaming -- Screaming" -- The Dead Milkmen

 

See all 10 photos

"There's a girl washing her clothes/I'm in love but nobody knows/She looks sixteen or seventeen/My mind grows dirty when my clothes get clean/She's so young and tall/Ah Ah/I'm gonna give her my all (or Borax). . ."

(I’m happy to be writing my very first “request” piece! JoAnne Flora of Alta Loma, CA this one is for you!)

I don’t know if Emily Post has ever covered “Laundromat Etiquette” so –as per request—here I go filling in some needy, open holes. (Hmmmm . . . sounds a little like a part of my old social life . . . but I digress . . .) Here is a rant regarding behavior in the laundromat.

First, the wheeled laundry carts are not kiddy cars or amusement park rides. I don’t care how “ghetto” you are it’s not safe to your crumby kids or to the feet, shins and/or knees of other customers to permit your obnoxious urchins to treat the laundry carts like motorless go carts.

Hey, kid! Get your mom! That ain't a tea cup and this ain't Disneyland!

Replace the word "office" with "laundromat" and you get the idea!

Second, a comment on a specific adult behavior: Smoking in a laundromat is now probably illegal in many states. It used to be just stupid. “How so?” I’m glad you asked!

You, the smoker, as well as other people have just washed and dried clothing. They smelled “summer fresh” until your cigarette smoke just made them stink like an overflowing ashtray. If my lady friend smells smoke on me she'll think I was out drinking and whoring. (By the way, I used to smoke and I quit. So either anyone can quit or I am really, really f***ing special. You tell me.)

No shoes? This is the best case scenario. Sure, some guys online like this kind of thing but meanwhile God only knows what is on your feet!

Third, some businesses are just needy/greedy enough that they don't post “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” signs. People, you should realize that “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” is good advice! Walking around barefoot in any business is going to result in your having filthy feet at best and stepping on something dangerous or nasty at worst.

This is acceptable in public? (Note: Image is shown at half width.)

Why is it that men go topless in public anyway? Californians, the whole state is not a beach! It just isn’t fair!

If the law “protects” us from seeing women topless then why does it not protect us from beer bellies and guys who failed the audition for The Illustrated Man? (If I am assuming too much about the literary knowledge of any of you readers . . .go "Google" Ray Bradbury.)

Fourth, most of us have no need to observe a mom breastfeeding her baby either. Leave the baby home with the daddy. Trust me, you never want your kids to resent you because they found out that you used to whip your udders out in front of total strangers . . . especially if you didn’t even get “tipped”. You may have been some hot little thing a long time and several pounds ago but NOW you are a MOM!

Fifth: Do your laundry on a regular basis (such as weekly). It is totally unfair to monopolize the entire laundromat just because you can’t have a little discipline, planning and/or routine in your life. We all understand the concept of “first come, first serve” but you need to be reasonable!

Finally, be aware of the time. Most washers take less than half an hour to finish washing your clothes. As far as dryers go, even if you like your clothing "burny" hot (as I do) you still only need less than half an hour total. Simply put, get your stuff out of the machines in a timely manner or be prepared to find your wash elsewhere. . .if you find it at all!

Ladies, when we say we like "dirty" girls this isn't what we have in mind.

Most laundromats have limits to how long you are permitted to leave your clothes in the machines after they are finished. Additionally, laundromats are not responsible for stolen items. So unless you men want your cool t-shirts ripped off or you ladies want some strange man wearing your panties while he quietly sits at home in front of his computer (for example) you might want to watch the timers. If YOU don't care about your things why should anyone else?

There you have it. My first request: a piece on laundromat etiquette. I'd say it's pretty much a "wash".

(Sorry.)

My name is Phoenix and. . .that's the bottom line.

I honestly never intended to write a series of holiday histories.  I just wanted to do something for my parents. Nevertheless, Father’s Day is still awhile away and there is yet another holiday in June about which I have an opinion.  That holiday is Flag Day. Don’t get me wrong.  Men in my family have proudly worn the American flag on various uniforms for decades.  (Being involved in scouting since I was a child, I, too, have worn a flag on my uniform for decades as well.)

Regular readers of my column know I have a philosophy about most holidays.  A day is not really a true holiday unless I get “Holiday Pay” for working it. I also believe that too many Americans use holidays as an excuse to drink and get drunk.

Case in point: this past Mother’s Day (a Sunday) I saw a man in a convenience store buying an 18 pack of Bud Light beer early in the morning.When someone said it was Mother’s Day he shouted: “I know! I’m on my way there now! That’s why I’m buying THIS!”  I wanted to ask if it was a present for his mother or if he needed the beer just to be able to deal with his mom.

 I can’t imagine she was hoping her son would drive to her house while drinking an 18-pack and show up drunk. I really wanted to suggest to the gentleman that if he attended church once in awhile and tried to avoid being an alcoholic maybe his parents would actually be proud of him. (This is one reason why the Japanese are ahead of us in so many ways.  Well, that, and all you people out there buying Toyotas.  Remember Pearl Harbor?  But I digress. . .)

The point of this column is to address Father’s Day.  America is one of the only countries that  celebrates Father’s Day.  The genesis of this official day dedicated to dads is unclear.

The most important promoter of the day is Sonora Dodd of Spokane, Washington.  She asked her minister to speak on the topic of fatherhood on a specific Sunday.  Her minister needed more prep time than expected and so did not give his special sermon on fathers until June 19th, 1910.

Although President Woodrow Wilson supported having an annual holiday for fathers as early as 1916, it was not until 1924 when President Calvin Coolidge made the day a national event in order “to establish more intimate relations between fathers and their children and to impress upon fathers their full obligations.”   Congress officially recognized the day by passing a resolution in 1956.
 
A decade later, President Johnson signed a law making Father’s Day a National Holiday.  Finally, in 1972, President Richard Nixon signed a law that officially made Father’s Day the third day in June. Traditionally, children take their dads out to lunch or dinner.

 When children cannot be with their fathers they make a phone call or send a greeting card.  Unlike the majority of Mother’s Day cards, most Father’s Day cards are less sentimental.  Nevertheless, it is still possible to communicate caring without being excessively emotional.

Mark Twain is believed to have said: “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

While I never thought my father was stupid when I was fourteen, I did  think there were things about which he didn’t have a clue.  When I got older, I wasn’t amazed at how much he had learned in seven years.  I was amazed at how much I didn’t know my dad knew and how much about which I didn’t have a clue.

 My parents have taught me a lot of things.  My father has done some very memorable, significant things in his life and continues to do so to this day.  I could list his accomplishments here.  I probably should but I’m not going to now.
 
(My dad once told me "self praise stinks" and I am not so sure that praise from his own son would  be far enough away to not be considered “self” praise.) Instead, I am going to share a simple suggestion he shared with me. He taught me something simple that has given me so much peace of mind, helped me avoid stress and worry and made me look so much smarter than so many other people.

The one piece of advice that stands out on a day-to-day basis is this: Always know where your keys and wallet are . . . always put them in the same place.While I have looked foolish many times in the past for a myriad of reasons I have never looked foolish because I was a grown adult who could not keep track of his own personal belongings.  Every time I see people running around having fits because they have no clue where their wallets or car keys are I laugh to myself.

Being the kind-hearted person I am, I feel bad for them BUT I still want to admonish them for not listening to their moms and dads when they were younger.  (Come on, did you really think I would say these people are dumb asses?  No, of course not!  This is supposed to be a nice piece for Father’s Day.)

I have found the need only to update this sage advice: Always know where your keys, wallet and cell phone are . . . always put them in the same place.  (See, boys and girls, we didn’t always have telephones, let alone cell phones.) Other than that addition, however, I stand by my original testimony.

If you still have the chance, you really should listen to your Dad when he tries to tell you something.  You just might learn something that will save you time, money and physical or psychological discomfort. Besides, sometimes it’s just nice to know your kids are smart enough to not always have to learn things the hard way.
 
This Father’s Day, I intend to call my dad and at least try to assure him that once in awhile I remember something he told me and can avoid learning things the hard way. It’s really a joyous feeling when you are reminded that the fruit of your loins is not always a dumb ass.  It is the gift that keeps on giving.

Trust me; I’m a dad now, too.  Now if someone would only print out this column and mail it to my kids.  As I write this my daughter is fourteen going on forty (in some ways) and although neither of my sons is fourteen quite yet,  I often feel they already think I have no clue.  You know how it is; kids grow up so much faster these days.

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.

This is the best country in the world.  Why do you think we have such a problem with illegal aliens?  If Mexico, for example, were such a great place California would have different census figures and more money in its coffers. America—“God, Guns and Guts: That’s What Made This Country Great!” “Red, White & Blue: These Colors Don’t Run!” I buy into all of that. Are we perfect?  Of course we’re not.  Still, we are the best choice there is, folks. Where else can you buy things you don’t really need 24/7 and make comments about our leader looking just a little like Curious George?  Nowhere else but here!

The problem is I was never a true follower and (since college) I was never one to be trendy. After “9/11” it seemed like everyone was suddenly flying an American flag out their car window or slapping a flag sticker on their bumpers.   There were flags on t-shirts. There were flags everywhere.  It was the first time in California that the “stars and stripes” adorned more bumpers than the Mexican flag. In the counties of Los Angeles and San Bernardino the tragedy of 9/11 had so affected citizens that the flag of our nation could almost be seen adorning more vehicles than L. A. Laker’s pendants.

 

It was a sobering time in the history of our country, wasn’t it?(Luckily, I was often gratefully stirred from those somber moments whenever I would see imports—especially Japanese—flying cheap American flags from their windows.  Remember Pearl Harbor? Maybe if these people had been buying American cars our tax dollars would not have been handed out to our own auto industries.  But, I digress . . .) Patriotism is not something that should be “trendy”. We Americans have had it too good for too long and we should be proud of our country no matter what! 

Flag Day is not always considered a union holiday so no one can think of it as another chance to drink and get drunk. I don’t know. What I do know is it took a near earth-shattering event right under our noses to make pride in our flag trendy albeit for a little while.  That is just wrong.

Patriotism is NOT just something that is hip and cool for a few years and then fades away like New Coke or Pet Rocks. True patriotism lasts a lifetime and Flag Day is NOT just another odd, unimportant holiday. Perhaps before continuing we need to stop right now and reflect on the history of the event.

Although the Fourth of July is the birthday of America, Flag Day, June 14th, is the day we celebrate the “birthday” of our flag. It is generally believed that the concept of the holiday came about in 1885.  B. J. Cigrand, a teacher, arranged for the students in the Fredonia, Wisco Public School, and District 6, to celebrate the day as “Flag Birthday” or “Flag Day” for short. In June 14, 1889, George Balch, another teacher in New York City also observed the day with the students at his school and the New York State Board of Education officially adopted the idea.

In April of 1893, the Pennsylvania Society of Colonial Dames of America adopted a resolution asking the mayor and citizens of Philadelphia to display the American flag on June 14th. Two weeks passed until Dr. Edward Brooks, the Superintendent of Public Schools of Philadelphia at the time, held a Flag Day ceremony on June 14th, 1893 in Independence Square, Philadelphia. The following year, Chicago, Illinois followed, holding even larger Flag Day celebrations all over the state.  Several years later, on May 30th, 1916, President Woodrow Wilson officially established the anniversary of the Flag Resolution of 1777 as Flag Day. Finally, on August 3rd, 1949, President Harry Truman signed an Act of Congress designating June 14th of each year to come as National Flag Day. So here we are another holiday history piece full of my opinions.

After all the ranting, I’ve come to only one real conclusion. Several years after the dark events of the 9/11 tragedies and all the assorted flag-waving that followed immediately after, patriotism is indeed no longer hip and trendy.  There is no longer an over-abundance of flag stickers and car flags.  Despite our involvement in an actual “war”, things are pretty much back to pre-9/11 “normal” as far as flag-waving is concerned anyway.

Strangely, I have mixed feelings. While I still firmly believe that flag-waving patriotism should not be a throwaway, temporary trend, I now find myself wondering if anyone actually gives a damn anymore. Happy Flag Day, folks and God Bless America . . . for what that’s worth.

My name is Phoenix and . . . that’s the bottom line.