I honestly never intended to write a series of holiday histories.  I just wanted to do something for my parents. Nevertheless, Father’s Day is still awhile away and there is yet another holiday in June about which I have an opinion.  That holiday is Flag Day. Don’t get me wrong.  Men in my family have proudly worn the American flag on various uniforms for decades.  (Being involved in scouting since I was a child, I, too, have worn a flag on my uniform for decades as well.)

Regular readers of my column know I have a philosophy about most holidays.  A day is not really a true holiday unless I get “Holiday Pay” for working it. I also believe that too many Americans use holidays as an excuse to drink and get drunk.

Case in point: this past Mother’s Day (a Sunday) I saw a man in a convenience store buying an 18 pack of Bud Light beer early in the morning.When someone said it was Mother’s Day he shouted: “I know! I’m on my way there now! That’s why I’m buying THIS!”  I wanted to ask if it was a present for his mother or if he needed the beer just to be able to deal with his mom.

 I can’t imagine she was hoping her son would drive to her house while drinking an 18-pack and show up drunk. I really wanted to suggest to the gentleman that if he attended church once in awhile and tried to avoid being an alcoholic maybe his parents would actually be proud of him. (This is one reason why the Japanese are ahead of us in so many ways.  Well, that, and all you people out there buying Toyotas.  Remember Pearl Harbor?  But I digress. . .)

The point of this column is to address Father’s Day.  America is one of the only countries that  celebrates Father’s Day.  The genesis of this official day dedicated to dads is unclear.

The most important promoter of the day is Sonora Dodd of Spokane, Washington.  She asked her minister to speak on the topic of fatherhood on a specific Sunday.  Her minister needed more prep time than expected and so did not give his special sermon on fathers until June 19th, 1910.

Although President Woodrow Wilson supported having an annual holiday for fathers as early as 1916, it was not until 1924 when President Calvin Coolidge made the day a national event in order “to establish more intimate relations between fathers and their children and to impress upon fathers their full obligations.”   Congress officially recognized the day by passing a resolution in 1956.
 
A decade later, President Johnson signed a law making Father’s Day a National Holiday.  Finally, in 1972, President Richard Nixon signed a law that officially made Father’s Day the third day in June. Traditionally, children take their dads out to lunch or dinner.

 When children cannot be with their fathers they make a phone call or send a greeting card.  Unlike the majority of Mother’s Day cards, most Father’s Day cards are less sentimental.  Nevertheless, it is still possible to communicate caring without being excessively emotional.

Mark Twain is believed to have said: “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

While I never thought my father was stupid when I was fourteen, I did  think there were things about which he didn’t have a clue.  When I got older, I wasn’t amazed at how much he had learned in seven years.  I was amazed at how much I didn’t know my dad knew and how much about which I didn’t have a clue.

 My parents have taught me a lot of things.  My father has done some very memorable, significant things in his life and continues to do so to this day.  I could list his accomplishments here.  I probably should but I’m not going to now.
 
(My dad once told me "self praise stinks" and I am not so sure that praise from his own son would  be far enough away to not be considered “self” praise.) Instead, I am going to share a simple suggestion he shared with me. He taught me something simple that has given me so much peace of mind, helped me avoid stress and worry and made me look so much smarter than so many other people.

The one piece of advice that stands out on a day-to-day basis is this: Always know where your keys and wallet are . . . always put them in the same place.While I have looked foolish many times in the past for a myriad of reasons I have never looked foolish because I was a grown adult who could not keep track of his own personal belongings.  Every time I see people running around having fits because they have no clue where their wallets or car keys are I laugh to myself.

Being the kind-hearted person I am, I feel bad for them BUT I still want to admonish them for not listening to their moms and dads when they were younger.  (Come on, did you really think I would say these people are dumb asses?  No, of course not!  This is supposed to be a nice piece for Father’s Day.)

I have found the need only to update this sage advice: Always know where your keys, wallet and cell phone are . . . always put them in the same place.  (See, boys and girls, we didn’t always have telephones, let alone cell phones.) Other than that addition, however, I stand by my original testimony.

If you still have the chance, you really should listen to your Dad when he tries to tell you something.  You just might learn something that will save you time, money and physical or psychological discomfort. Besides, sometimes it’s just nice to know your kids are smart enough to not always have to learn things the hard way.
 
This Father’s Day, I intend to call my dad and at least try to assure him that once in awhile I remember something he told me and can avoid learning things the hard way. It’s really a joyous feeling when you are reminded that the fruit of your loins is not always a dumb ass.  It is the gift that keeps on giving.

Trust me; I’m a dad now, too.  Now if someone would only print out this column and mail it to my kids.  As I write this my daughter is fourteen going on forty (in some ways) and although neither of my sons is fourteen quite yet,  I often feel they already think I have no clue.  You know how it is; kids grow up so much faster these days.

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.